Ever since I entered the dating world at the healthy age of 19 I’ve had people telling me I shouldn’t, neigh! Couldn’t date non-Mormons. This started happening a lot more when I started dating my now husband.

And funnily enough, SOOOO many people couldn’t believe that a Mormon was dating a non-Mormon. And they would say that to me. Constantly.

“Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?”

Believe you me, it wasn’t Mormons saying it. It was non-mormons! It blew my mind! It’s almost like they’d try and convince me that it wasn’t allowed. I felt like I always had to defend myself and my relationship. Which, in my opinion, is completely ridiculous.

I’m under the impression that I can date whoever I darn well please. Me and every other person out there!

However annoying it may be to hear, it does have an origin.

For many moons people have been asking “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” In 1981, the late prophet President Thomas S. Monson counseled,

“You young people … have an important responsibility in choosing not only whom you will date but also whom you will marry. President Gordon B. Hinckley admonished: ‘Your chances for a happy and lasting marriage will be far greater if you will date those who are active and faithful in the Church.’”

Let me explain, essentially he’s saying that it’s easier for members to date members. Why? Because we share the same beliefs, religion, and lifestyle. I think that’s true of anyone.

We tend to have more successful relationships with people who share our values.

That being said even being with people who do believe the same as you can be rough. Scratch that… People can be rough! Dealing with personalities are rough!

Another Latter-Day Prophet, Gordon B. Hinckley, said in 2001,

“While you should be friendly with all people, select with great care those whom you wish to have close to you. They will be your safeguards in situations where you may vacillate between choices, and you in turn may save them.”

He’s saying that in general, we should select our forever lovers with great care. In my opinion, this goes for all our friends, too. Like I said above it’s about the personality more than anything.

And just one more solid piece of relationship advice…

I’ll leave this quote by Elder Jeffry R. Holland here.

“In a dating and courtship relationship, I would not have you spend five minutes with someone who belittles you, who is constantly critical of you, who is cruel at your expense and may even call it humor.”

In my *dating career, I have dated exactly three non-members and four members.

And have been defending my answer to the question “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” since…

My experiences with all these young men was exceedingly different and unique. I laughed a little, cried a little, and over all realized that for me, I cared more for their values than their beliefs than anything else. That being said, it is infinitely easier to date people in ones same belief/value realm.

To answer the long posed question of “Can a Mormon date a non-Mormon?” Yes. A Mormon can date a non-Mormon! The people who Mormons shouldn’t date are dweebs, jerks, and belittlers. Actually, nobody should date people like that. Am I right? Yes. Yes I am.

All that being said, all these reasons are why I started dating my now husband.

He doesn’t belittle me, he’s not a jerk, we value the same things, we have the same goals, and overall, we respect each other. We love our differences and our similarities.

In fact, on pre-date one, we had an intense talk about our ‘non-negotiables’.

I told him what mine were… No porn ever. I date to get married and didn’t want to get stuck in dating limbo. We would have one year to decide if we wanted to get married and the following year to get married. If sometime during that first year we decided we didn’t want to get married, we’d break up because I want kids! That baby box ain’t getting any younger! And finally, my kids would be raised in the Church because I love the values it teaches the youths.

His only non-negotiable was “You won’t force me to be Mormon” to which I said, “No problem!” I would never force anyone to be Mormon because that’s not how it works.

I had never started a relationship like this before and figured I’d give it a shot.

Turns out, direct communication works miracles. Who’da thunk? We actually give credit to this conversation for our relationship working out. It set the tone.

I hope this article will help you in your dating choices!

Care to read more about what Mormons can and cannot do or what we may or may not believe in? Click HERE. And thank you for reading!

Further Information:

*Dating for me is where there is a defined relationship. Like having ‘the talk’.

Dating advice: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/study/new-era/2010/04/dating-advice-from-prophets-and-apostles?lang=eng

Dating Guidelines: https://www.churchofjesuschrist.org/bc/content/shared/content/english/pdf/ForTheStrengthOfYouth-eng.pdf?lang=eng